FORGIVE AND . . . MOVE ON

Webster’s New World Dictionary definition of the word forgive is “to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; pardon.” Most spouses, at some time or another, struggle with the issue of forgiveness as incidents happen in the marriage.

There are very legitimate reasons for feeling hurt and wronged, such as a partner who is disrespectful, inconsiderate, unsupportive, or unfaithful. But if you remain stuck in resentment, anger, bitterness, or vengeance, you will be unable to move on with your life in a healthy way. Holding grudges and hanging on to negative feelings reduces your capacity to enjoy life and to have maximum energy in the present moment.

Lewis B. Smedes, in The Art of Forgiving, makes the following points about what forgiveness is and what it is not:

Forgiving does not mean that we excuse the person who did it.

Forgiving does not mean that we invite someone who hurt us once to hurt us again.

Forgiving someone who did us wrong does not mean that we tolerate the wrong he or she did.

Forgiveness is not about reunion. Being reconciled to another person as a human being and embracing him/her as a best friend are two different things.

Forgiveness happens inside the person who does it.

So when should you forgive? “We forgive,” shares Smedes, “when we feel a strong wish to be free from the pain that glues us to a bruised moment of the past.

We forgive when we want to overcome the resentment that separates us from the person who wounded us. We forgive when we feel God’s Spirit nudging us with an impulse to pull ourselves out of the sludge of our disabling resentment. We forgive when we are ready to move toward a future unshackled from a painful past we cannot undo.”
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PLAN YOUR LIFE

Many people understand the importance of planning events in their life but very few understand the importance of actually planning their life.

It is said that people don't plan to fail, they just fail to plan. It is pretty obvious that a wedding would be a disaster without a plan. Well, what about your life? You have a choice to either make things happen, watch things happen or wonder "What happened?" Which will it be?

If you are serious about living in tune with your deepest dreams and desires you need to become a "makes things happen" person. Success will not attack you! The way you get what you want is to plan it!

Below is a list of top 9 reasons why planning your life is vital. This list has been prepared to sell you on the fact that you need a plan to get what you want. If you are not yet "sold," read on.

A planned life gives you direction. Planning allows you to know where you are going and how you are going to get there. Without a plan, you lack direction and focus and run the risk of spending your time doing things that fail to benefit your future.

A planned life puts your dreams within reach. If your dreams have ever felt a little "pie in the sky-ish" it is probably because they were not grounded in a plan. A plan provides action steps necessary to achieve your dreams. Apply the action steps and you are on your way to making your dreams happen.

A planned life puts you in control. If you leave your life up to chance or let others control it for you, you are sure to be disappointed. Taking control of your own life is the only way to get what YOU truly want.

A planned life gives you peace. Just knowing that you are taking steps to create the life you want gives you a sense of peace. Without a plan, it is easy to get into confusion and despair about which way to go and how to spend your days.

A planned life gives you purpose. When you take the time to plan your life, you choose to live life "on purpose." You no longer just "exist." You embrace the purpose you were created to fulfill and make it happen through action.

A planned life gives you passion. Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal. It is not a destination. It is a journey. When you are headed toward a goal, it makes your "present" more fulfilling, more passionate and exciting.

A planned life empowers you. Planning puts YOU on YOUR side. When you are single-minded about where you are going, you have power to live your life your way.

A planned life puts your subconscious mind to work for you. When you plan, you plant a vision on your subconscious mind. That vision creates the opportunities for you to succeed at your plan.

A planned life gives you freedom. Freedom exists in one place, inside of you. When you claim the freedom you have to shape your destiny, you are truly free.

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CULTIVATE YOUR GREATEST TALENT

It's a funny thing. What you excel at, what is your greatest gift, may not be obvious to you. You may believe that what you do and create so effortlessly is easily achieved by anyone and everyone. It comes so naturally for you that you think it comes just as naturally for everyone else. Therefore, you may be oblivious to your special talent, your unique gift that is your birthright and purpose in life.

"Actors are dependent on being validated by other people's opinions. I don't understand what it is I do that people want. I don't know what an actor does. I have no credentials. I don't know what I'm doing. To my mind, talent doesn't really exist. Talent is like a card player's luck. It is motivation, ambition, and luck. I think acting is a con game." - Shia LaBeouf

One way to identify what is your special talent is to examine your energy level. When you are "in the zone" in the present moment of being and doing, full of energy without regard to time and space you are fully expressing your true potential, your gift. You are engaged. Your energy level is abundant and unlimited. The more you do, the more energy you generate. Your experience flows effortlessly. You experience joy.

If you are tired, possibly to the point of exhaustion you are not in alignment with your authentic and unique talent. You can get really good at what you're doing but it takes extra joyless effort to achieve a level of excellence. Perhaps you are working hard to achieve someone else's vision of what you are supposed to, or should be, creating for your life's work. You may even reach the top in your career yet you feel like something is missing, feel unfulfilled. Even with success, your emptiness is grounded in your unexpressed gifts.

"Nobody ever encouraged me in this business. I encouraged myself. I was a very dull and shy child. I was the last person you would expect to be a success in this business. But I always felt if I kept going something would happen. But I even surprised myself at times. When I was doing ensemble theater and comedy work, I felt I had some talents. But when I started doing my shows in Berkeley and found that I could be funny on my own, I was shocked." - Whoopie Goldberg

When you recognize and acknowledge your individual and extraordinary talent you stand centered in the truth of who you are. Your energy and self-esteem emanates from that state of being. You are present and fully available for what comes next. Your talent expands and flows effortlessly from your center, your heart. Your gift is vital to the positive and ever expanding life experience of all that you touch. This is your purpose in life. Own it. Embrace it. Shine it upon your personal stage, your life expression.

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself." - Alan Alda

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STAYING POSITIVE IN TOUGH TIMES

Turn on the television, open a newspaper or your web browser and there it is - bad news. War, recession, financial crisis and stories of personal hardship. It's hard to find a news story with a happy ending. Let's face it, pessimism "sells." With all of this negativity in the world, how can you stay positive?

Since we are faced with a constant barrage of stories and images that are sad and discouraging, it's easy to become caught up in all of the negativity that's going on in the world. When this happens, you lose sight of the positive things in your own life and succumb to a state of hopelessness.

Why is it so important to stay positive? Positive thoughts and energy are essential for success in all areas of your life. Negative thoughts doom you to repeat the same self-defeating behavior over and over. Your emotions are like fuel for your thoughts and actions. Negative emotions are like putting vinegar in your gas tank - they're not taking you anywhere. But positive emotions - emotions of gratitude, love, hope, joy - can propel you forward at lightening speed.

People who maintain a positive outlook are more pleasant to be around and more compassionate toward others. This is especially important in these difficult times. If you're not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you are more open to reaching out to help others around you.

There are several things that you can do to keep a positive energy in your life, despite what's going on the world around you.
• Do not allow yourself to be inundated with so-called news. Yes, it is important to be informed about what is going on in the world - but stick to sources that give you just the facts. Avoid sensationalized reporting that exploits your emotions.
• Remember that the more energy and attention that is given to something, the more it expands - even when it is something that no one wants. The easiest way to minimize something is to stop giving it energy and attention. Think about a tabloid celebrity. We all complain about the fact that we keep hearing about this person in the news, yet our act of reading about this person is the very thing that is perpetuating their fame (or infamy, if you prefer). The more you feed something, the bigger it grows.
• Practice gratitude every day. Every person, no matter how dire their circumstances, has something to be grateful for. Even if it's simply the fact that they're still breathing. Take some time, every day, to be grateful for the good things in your life.
• Smile. Yes, it's that simple and it's contagious.
• Don't forget that no one can "make" you feel bad - your emotions are entirely within your control. You must consent to giving someone else that power over you. If this is a challenge because you are easily affected by other people's opinions or moods, start every morning with this affirmation, "I don't let other people ruin my day."

Remember, you don't have to let anyone else's viewpoint become your reality. Nothing in this world is permanent and every day is another opportunity for the next great thing to happen to you.
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THE POWER OF ENVY

"A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires." - Paulo Coelho

Colleen, was at a workshop where the instructor was preparing to leave for a week-long trip to Italy. Someone else in the class said, "You are so spoiled to get to go there." And Colleen replied, "No. She is not spoiled: she is creating and living her dream - manifesting it."

If you're like me you probably heard some envy behind the "spoiled" remark. I interpreted it to mean that this classmate wished she could be on her way to a really cool trip to Italy.

I mean, who wouldn't?

Of course, I know that "envy" has a negative connotation. But it doesn't have to be that way. Instead, we should learn to embrace envy - to pay attention to it as a strong signal from our deepest selves. Envy is simply desire clouded by the belief that we can't have what we want.

But we can have it. If we think of envy as a gift we haven't opened yet, we can learn to open it and see the thing we really want.

In my journal I wrote that I envied someone with whom I worked. She had spent years of her life working as a medical missionary in Haiti and I envied the circumstances that seemed to make the travel and service possible for her.

At the time I thought that a medical mission would be impossible for me because it would be irresponsible to leave my good job- with no guarantee that another job would be waiting for me when I got back - to do volunteer work in another country.

But then I had an epiphany: The envy I felt for my colleague helped me focus my desire on living and working abroad. I decided to commit to my dream, and as you know from my last article, providence moved and supported me every step of the way.

What I learned is that envy is a form of ignorance. It comes from an ignorance of ourselves and our ability to achieve any outcome we want if we just set our minds to it. Envy reveals something that we don't know about ourselves and need to know in order to achieve our own perfect happiness.

At its heart, envy is desire - a sign pointing in the direction of our dreams, a sign we need to pay attention to on our journey. It may not always point us in the direction of Italy, but it always directs us toward any great big dream that we think is unattainable, but really isn't.

When I wrote Colleen back and asked if she thought there was an element of envy in the statement "You're so spoiled..." she agreed. She also added that there was no malice in the statement, just wistfulness. And I believe the sense of wistfulness - really, powerlessness - associated with our desires is another misunderstanding.

Envy is a form of power. I want us to see envy as a manifestation of our desire - of wanting something - and associate that feeling with power. Rather than feel wistful about what you want, get excited! Be like the child and demand with all of your might that which you desire. from Jane Powell

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LOOK AT YOURSELF: YOU ARE CREATED IN HIS IMAGE

Everybody wants to succeed in life. There are some important elements that one has to pay attention. Things that are neglected will not thrive. This applies to your relationships, your career and your avocations. But you already knew that.

What you may not know is that attention is essential in everything that you do - not just in the areas of your life that are of most importance to you. In order to be successful, you must give each task that you undertake your full, undivided attention. No matter how small or insignificant the task, how you do it is what makes the difference. Very successful people know that everything they do is the most important thing they do.

We tend to disregard tasks that we consider menial or boring and do not put much effort or consciousness into performing them because they "don't really matter." It may be true that the end result of a task is not important or consequential; however, the attitude that we bring to any such task - indifference, inattention, rejection - is important. This type of negative mind-set easily spills over into other areas of our work and lives.

Often, our egos cause us to discount certain tasks or jobs because we consider them "beneath" us or not worthy of our attention. If forced to perform this work, we do it reluctantly, with no interest or attention. Perhaps the work is simple and despite our inattention the result is good. However, consider what the result would be if the work were undertaken with our full attention. Would it be not just good, but outstanding? Is it possible that some knowledge or hidden opportunity could come to us if our minds were open to that possibility? Would our lives and the lives of the people around us be better if we undertook that work with a good attitude and happiness rather than with irritability or apathy?

Give it a try. The next time you find yourself mindlessly performing a task or grumbling about something that you don't like to do, stop and take a minute to readjust your attitude. Be grateful that you are alive and able to physically perform the task. See if by shifting your perspective you are able to find something good in the work, or perhaps a way of improving it.

"Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Making any significant change in your life requires that you shift your perspective and open your mind to new possibilities. Many people are trapped by their conditioning and inherited belief systems, and are unable to move forward.

Practice shifting your perspective by breaking out of your regular routine. Drive a different way to work, eat lunch somewhere new, watch a different news channel, or even sit in a different place at your dining room table. These simple exercises can help to make you aware of how conditioned your perceptions are and how so many of the things you believe to be "true" are simply matters of opinion. Try seeing your world in a different way and discover new things about yourself.

So you have a goal. Something important in your life that you want to accomplish, give up or acquire. Setting that goal without a framework for achieving it is almost certain to lead to frustration and failure. Although I am a believer in the power of positive thought, action and reaction are always required to make any inspired idea a reality.

Effective goal setting starts with clear identification of your objective - this should be something tangible and measurable. Don't just declare "I want to lose weight." Say instead, "I want to lose 10 pounds." Next, set a deadline. If you don't give yourself a time-limit for completion of the goal, it will always remain in the future. Now you have a goal that is both tangible and measurable, "I will lose 10 pounds by Memorial Day."

Next, map out your strategy for achieving the goal. What do you need to do? How many calories do you have to cut out or burn to lose 10 pounds? Do the math. Make a meal plan, set up an exercise schedule. Yes, this is work! Anything worth achieving is going to require effort.

Break it down, step-by-step, all of the steps that you will need to take to achieve your goal. Do you need to get advice from someone who has experience? Do you need to do some research? Take a class? Learn a new skill? Save or raise some money?
Set milestones so that you can track your progress. Set a date for achievement of each individual task on your list and celebrate your accomplishments. This will encourage you to continue on track and fuel your desire for success.

Now think about potential pitfalls. What are your weaknesses? Identify the roadblocks you might encounter and plan how you will react when faced with them. Write it down. If you have a plan, you are more likely to stick to your program. Roadblocks are a part of the process so think of them as opportunities to grow and learn, as you figure out ways to navigate around them.

Finally, enlist a support team. These might be other people with the same or similar goals. Perhaps it's your family and friends. Make sure that the people you choose are encouraging of your goals and will support your efforts even when it means change to your normal routine. State your goals out loud and share them with others - this action makes them real, imprints them in your consciousness and holds you accountable.

Try using affirmations to train your subconscious into seeing your goals as already achieved. The affirmations specific to your particular goals should be positive, in the present tense and specific. "I am celebrating my 10 lb. weight loss!"
Say these Affirmations for Success out loud every morning to start your day with a positive mind-set for achieving your goals:
• There are no limitations - all things are possible.
• I release all negative thoughts the moment that I recognize them.
• All obstacles vanish from my path, as I now fulfill my destiny.
• I give thanks for the never-ending supply of success, joy and abundance that flows to me.

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